Emotional Hangover from MS - and what to do.

The MS got a hold of me, worse than it’s been in months.   But there were reasons.  Pushed beyond comfort by demands of life, it caught up with me.  And caught up bad.   

Often we talk about the physical pain of MS, the tremors, the spasticity.  The pain the comes from every nerve ending or the fatigue that covers us in a lead blanket.

And then the pain wanes and we feel better for a bit.  But the emotional sludge that remains behind is detrimental to our health and happiness.  

And boy did I feel it this morning when the day got started.  Frustrated, irritated and angry at life, my legs crumbled their way out of bed to get some coffee.  Crumbled for sure as there was no jumping for joy today.  

Why my?  Why this damn MS that suffocates me and keeps me jailed up in my body?  

Sure, I aim for happiness.  Positive thinking and all is great an my focus.  But today, I’m not going to fight it.  My emotions are way over the top upset and there’s no denying that I really I despise my MS right now.  

Unfortunately the angrier I get the more worked up my MS becomes.  This isn’t productive or healthy for anyone.  

Time to force a change! 

Yes, I’m using the word force.  Enter something beautiful in life:  A sit in the garden.  A chat with a friend.  A stroll through the neighborhood.  Find the beauty, grace and appreciation that is the bases of life.  It’s there but when I’m this worked up it’s hard to see beyond the tears. 

But forcing this is easier than it may seem.   Just sitting out in the garden for a few minutes is helping.  

BREATHE DEEP EXERCISE

1.  Breathe in deep to the chest.  

2.  Take the breath deeper, into the belly and gut and let it distend out as far as possible

3.  Keep taking in more air, aware of the beauty around you. 

4.  When full of air, sit a second then exhale deep.

5.  Exhale through the mouth, letting out everything dirty, angry and evil. 

Repeat! 

Ahhhhh...  Feeling so much better already.  

Now, to remember this trick during the busyness of the day.  

Now that I can see straight and am calming down, time to record my issues.

Even after almost 20 years of this illness, I am still learning about it.  Today was a lesson learned.  After three days of physical hell, the emotional hangover was even worse.   Next time my body faces exacerbations from mismanagement I must remember this tailing wind of emotions that have entwined me. 

Ask Caroline! Join me at Belong.MS - Certified Life Coach and Living with MS since 2001

 

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MS is like an iPhone Battery...and I need a recharge!

Keeping ones battery charged with MS can be as tricky as keeping an iPhone going all day. Remembering to turn off location services and programs running in the background is vital to keep an iPhone chugging along. But how do we do this with MS?

How do we turn off those programs running in the background. That constant chatter of energy being wasted. Do we meditate? Medicate? Or both. 

And when it comes to our location services, how do we unplug ourselves from those wanting our energy? Do we withdraw? Or de we become strong and set boundaries?

So much in life has changed with my MS. Every decision, every thought is focused on how it will effect my mind, body and soul. While this is a good thing in the long run sometimes one really just wants to kick down a loaded cappuccino, go for a hike, enjoy a pipe on a cold and rainy day while reading Harrison, drink a glass of wine or two with good friends, tie some flies, hop in the car and drive...just drive. A certain since of freedom is stripped when a disabling disease like MS hits. Freedom in so many ways. Once a road warrior. I am now a shuttling sissy.

It started with a panic attack on the LA freeway amongst heavy traffic. No escape. Panic stricken, batteries faded fast. Eyesight diminished rapidly. Then the convulsions and dry heaving that would randomly hit never made it safe. Let cramps, not good for driving either. While these issues don't happen all the time, they've occurred enough for me not to trust my body, understanding now that my batteries could crash at anytime. Knowing this makes me feel vulnerable and vulnerability creates fear. Too much fear can strip us of our lives.

To a point we can quick charge our batteries: caffeine, tobacco, provigil, sativa, sugar, etc. But how long can we quick charge before the battery won't take a charge? And when we are left stranded there is no back up battery. No way to plug into the wall and recharge. We have only one battery. We must take care of it.

So how do we turn off those extra programs running? Visually I imagine the blinders on horses. Those eye guards that keep the horse looking ahead and not distracted. "Put your blinders on Caroline" and get to work. Focus on one project. Or one meditation. One walk in the rose garden. The point is to have just this one program running. And turn off all others. Blinders. This works for me, most of the time.

But there are those times when it doesn't work. When I need a distraction. And another distraction. And again and again until I have six programs running and my battery bar is slipping fast. "Put those blinders on." But sometimes it just doesn't work.

Then, finally, I stop everything and go lie down in a nice cool place that's not to bright. Closing my eyes and just being quiet. Recharging. Ahhhh. It takes strength to keep our batteries charged. To know what we need to do to take care of ourselves. To unplug from others when we are on low battery and turn off our location services.

For me this meant learning a lot about boundary setting. Rules. My rules for my health. This can be hard on friends and family. Setting boundaries can take a lot of explanation, patience and communications. But it's essential for defining our needs to keeping us alive and void of fear. To live life on a full battery. That's my goal. To manage my software and take care of this battery before it won't hold a charge.

Let's do this. Let's keep our batteries charged. Let's rid ourselves of fears and vulnerability. It's time. It's time to take charge and recharge.

#takethatMS

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